blah

This weekend seemed incredibly long! Actually this whole week has been kind of blah. It started with driving James to the airport :( And that is always difficult for me. It hurts to always have to say goodbye and that I can't be there to share in his experiences. Though I defininately see the blessings of a long distance relationship, and see how the Lord has blessed my relationship with James. I do pray that distance won't always be a permenant barrier to the growth of our relationship. Well this weekend while James was away on a ministry trip, I found out my mom's best friend and my very close but not related aunt was sent to the hospital. We found out that she had cancer of the brain and that it is fast moving. There is only a 4% chance that she will live past 1 year. This news and unfortunate turn has really hit my family hard. Cheryl wasn't a lady who was very old and nobody was prepared for this. I have been here trying to hold up the family and some of the other friends. It really shows me how short life can be and how we will never really know what God has in store or planned for our lives. We are keeping my aunt in our prayers and hoping for the best. It's been hard for my mom especially, but she is tough and has to have a handle on this for my aunt's family's sake. As for me I think I just don't really know how to deal with the whole situation. Death is not something I know or have experience with. In some ways I have always been fearful of it due to the fact that I have no idea how I will react to it. I think I am sometimes scared that I will react to death in much the same way I did my parent's divorce. Meaning that I would numb myself to it's passing and painful existance. Though I have learned so much about breaking through the numbness I am praying that the Lord would help me not to slip into it again. It is an aweful place, where feelings are merely simulated facial expressions the environment trains you to have. I know this is extreme but a long time ago that was me. I know that I won't slip back there again because know I have the Lord in my life and there is no possible way for me to numb myself to the Spirit that's inside of me. But I am making it a point to prayerfully consider my past tendencies so that I might be even more prepared and ready to seek the Lord for my comfort and my sheild against the unwanted and coming feelings. So yeah.. this week and weekend were blah and scary and sad. But the Good Lord will definately have his hand upon my Aunt and her family and that gives me so much comfort. Please if you read this pray for her and thank God for those you have the privelidge to share you life with :) Well it's late and time for bed. Tomorrow is a new day and with that comes lots of work. Goodnight everyone :)
Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom"